if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Someone signed my nipple.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
