you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well you can't waste a boner
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
