Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
