She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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