Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
