and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
