I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
