I wish my penis had an off switch
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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