yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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