I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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