96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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