i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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