I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
