Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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