Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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