i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
