I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
