Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
