Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
