Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
