isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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