I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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