im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
