I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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