kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
