By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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