Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
