and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
did i walk over a car last night?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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