So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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