I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
