my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Randomize
