Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
