So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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