Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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