i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
