we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
