Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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