Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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