Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
