my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
two words: eviction party
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
