if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
