Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You need Xanax blowdarts
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
