FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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