I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
