swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize