so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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