I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
