I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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