a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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