I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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