i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
