if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I would fuck him just for his dog
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