I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Soap is not a condiment
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
