holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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