The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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