my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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