The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
