At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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