Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
