I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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