if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
